03: A CHANCE?

Andien sipped her warm salted caramel latte once more. The coffee she held was delicious. Without a doubt, her first love's coffee would become her absolute favorite. 'Very lovely!' First love? Yes, Dirga is Andien's first love. The person who had indirectly saved her. Andien's childhood was too painful for her. Not only did she cry, but she also hurt herself because she couldn't bear her sadness, eventually turning the little girl into a loner and an introvert. Until one day, her nanny asked if she knew anyone who liked her and sent her greetings. Dirga is the boy's name. Yani, the caretaker of Andien and her two younger siblings at the time, had tried to remind Andien of Dirga, who was often near her, but Andien couldn't recall the figure of the little young man. Yani attempted to show her the figure of the child because she still felt Andien didn't know Dirga. Even though he was quite far away, Andien noticed him. Unfortunately, she may be one of the people on this planet who has difficulty remembering someone's face if they rarely interact with each other. In short, the eye contact at the time was insufficient to imprint Dirga's face on her mind. However, Andien felt more precious after that day. 'Apparently, there are people who perceive my presence,' she thought at the time. Andien believes her presence in this world is the result of her father and mother's marriage. That one greeting made her think to herself, 'I'm okay.' 'I'm fine!' - though the little girl's psychic state is frequently not as good as what she is forced to think about. "What are you daydreaming about?" Andien's consciousness was restored by Dirga's voice, and her heart rumbled with joy once more. 'I hope he doesn't hear the sound of my heart beating like a war drum. So much noise inside.' "You're still daydreaming. Are you okay?" Dirga inquired again. Andien awoke from her daydream and returned her gaze to Dirga. She was silent for a moment before smiling. Dirga's fingers gently stroked her cheek. "Wanna talk?" Dirga inquired. Andien averted her gaze, afraid of falling asleep and getting hurt again if the man beside her disappeared. Dirga lowered his hand back to his lap, realizing Andien was giving him some space. "I'm okay. Just recalling a time when we were children," Andien responded. "What do you remember about me?" Dirga inquired once more. "Nearly nothing. Hehehe." Andien's laugh was tinged with sadness. "I'm sorry," Dirga said. "For what?" "I'm not sure. But it appears that I must apologize to you." "What exactly do you mean?" "Um, let's just say it's an apology for not being in your life for the past twenty years or so," he replied. Andien is deafeningly quiet. Her heart and mind provided contradictory responses. "What if I'm unable to forgive you?" Andien inquired once more. Her heart's response. Her heart ached to hear herself ask the question. Dirga was deafeningly silent. Andien's response surprised him. He stared at Andien in silence, unsure how to respond. Andien also gave Dirga a close look. She reflected on her childhood when she was always happy when her parents let her go out of the house. Andien's first stop must have been where she first met Dirga. Her heart ached thinking about that time, how she had always hoped to hear Dirga's voice greet her. For her, simply saying hello was sufficient. Even when the situation caused her to slump again, Andien, who would always try to hurt herself and then stop before she was clearly hurt, would fall to the ground hugging herself, imagining Dirga was hugging her. She hopes that one day Dirga will be one of those people who is always there for her. Andien, who had been waiting for so long. Dirga, like Andien's alter ego, is a figure she created in the midst of her pain. An immortal figure in her memory, whom she imagined as a soul booster. 'I need a hug!' Andien pondered. Dirga finally spoke up again. Answering Andien's earlier question. "Please make me your lover. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for the lost time." Andien's heart was racing; she couldn't believe what Dirga had said, and she wasn't sure if this was what she wanted to hear. Even though happiness greets her at the same time, there is still a sense of pain. 'Do you think you deserve him?' Anden inhaled deeply. That low self-esteem bothered her again and again. "Don't squander your time with a girl like me!" Andien responded. "What sane guy would want a widow with three children like me?" she asked curtly. Andien was even perplexed as to how she could say things in such an annoying tone. Dirga's eyes widened, his brow furrowed, and his eyes squinted. "Andien, you should know that I'm also a widower. And I'm not involved with another woman. I'm not married," Dirga elaborated. "That's great! All you have to do is find a beautiful, young, intelligent, virgin, and wealthy girl!" Andien responded once more. This time in an even more irritating tone. Hearing that sarcastic tone, she became upset with herself. "Oh my goodness, Andien!" Dirga stroked his temples. Dirga's gaze was still fixed on Andien, and neither of them spoke for a moment. "Do you know? I've been in love with you since we were kids, when I was about twelve. Now that I'm thirty-eight years old, that means I've loved you for twenty-six years, and I've never forgotten you. "You'd better say you forgot about me, despise me, are angry with me, or ignore me. Because if you do that, I will continue to pursue you without being bothered by your attitude. "But please... Never ask me to choose another girl!" "We haven't even begun." "I don't care about your widowhood. I don't care if we're getting on in years! What's the problem with that? "I'm here to show you how much I love you. Then, now, and forever are my plans!" Dirga's voice was low but deep and firm, and his jaw was set. He must be suppressing his emotions right now. "Maybe you think I'm crazy because I say things like this when we've only just met. But I'm scared. I'm afraid you'll disappear once more. I haven't had time to express myself to you. You have no idea how perplexed I was looking for you, do you? The first thing I heard from you was that you were married. Can you imagine how I was feeling at the time? I'm completely destroyed!" Dirga grabbed Andien's free hand and continued speaking. "You became a widow because your husband died. Before approaching you, I saw your three children and interacted with El and Anne. That's why I didn't surprise when Cantika addressed me as Papa. And guess what? Cantika, El, and Anne... They are awesome. You must have been wonderful parents to them. If that's what you're concerned about, I can accept them. "What I saw tonight leads me to believe that you are a good, even exceptional, woman. So I'm not sure why you act as if your position is despicable." Dirga took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, lightly hitting his tight chest from a lack of air. "You can look down on someone by looking up to me. I've gotten a divorce! A person who has failed! Regardless of my difficulties, I am still a failure! But I'm sorry to say, this failed man will approach you shamelessly. Again!" Andien could only stare silently at Dirga. She had no idea why emotions had taken over her right now. Dirga was correct; they had only recently met again, but the two of them were like a couple who seemed desperate for their relationship. On the one hand, Andien misses him; in fact, ever since her meeting with Ian, her childhood friend, three months ago, which ended with a story about Dirga loving her, Andien has frequently asked God to bring them together again. It was miraculously granted. Andien, on the other hand, is unwilling to accept Dirga's genuine feelings. Regardless of their 'first love' memories, any woman would be giddy if a man confessed his love on the first day they met again. Furthermore, Andien's situation, in which she feels completely alone with many responsibilities, makes her feel unworthy of loving and being loved again. Her confidence was eroding as she focused her attention on Dirga. Dirga appears flawless in Andien's eyes. Handsome, tall, ideal, and even sexy. Don't forget, Dirga, the architect, has a great career; just by the way he talks and looks, it's clear he's a smart person. Take a look at his appearance as well. He wears a suit. It's simple, just a long-sleeved shirt, tie, and pants, but the price is surely not cheap; just look at the stitching on the shirt; it's neat just like a product from a famous boutique. The shoes, rest assured, are not cheap; the price must be in the millions, and Andien's sneakers must be worth a fraction of the price of the man's shoes. 'Oh, my goodness... Getaway, Dirga! I'm embarrassed to meet you in this condition; I don't want to appear insignificant in your eyes,' Andien thought. Andien lowered her head, released Dirga's grip on her hand, and squeezed the hem of her own gown. She desperately wanted to get away from Dirga at this point. 'I wish I could,' she says. "So, you've had feelings for me all these years?" Questions that don't need to be answered because he's already expressed his feelings. "But you've been fine without me all along, haven't you?" Andien resumed his speech. "What exactly do you mean?" Dirga does not appear to be pleased with the direction of this conversation. "Well, take a look at me!" Andien fought the tightness in her chest. "I am!" said Dirga, his warm gaze still fixed on Andien. The look that caused Andien to sink. It makes her want to lean on the man's chest for a brief moment. "I'm not particularly confident in myself. Especially to reopen my heart," Andien stated. Dirga inhaled deeply, held the air in his lungs, and exhaled again. Trying to keep the emotional turmoil in his chest at bay. "Don't be hurried... I'm willing to wait. And I'm fine with approaching you and the kids slowly so you're at ease," Dirga spoke softly. Andien, hesitant to respond further, chose silence while sipping her coffee. Her disbelief was swallowed by whatever she heard tonight. Dirga was, and still is, the man of her dreams. She always hopes that Dirga will reappear in her life if she wants to start over. However, after meeting the man face to face, Dirga's figure appeared to be too high for him to reach. "Andien... Just give us a chance... I'm so in love with you. I'm tired of keeping this feeling inside my heart alone. I want you to see it. See that I can do anything for you. See that I love you. Seeing me! Please."