'Dirga. I'm Dirga.'
The three words hovered in his mind, but nothing came out of his mouth.
Sadly, Andien—the woman in front of him—did not recognize him. Dirga had prepared various scenarios to strengthen his heart, despite knowing it would be like this. However, not being recognized by loved ones still made him sad.
Dirga held a special place in his heart for Andien, someone he had given up trying to forget. Maybe this is how difficult it is for some naive people, like that guy, to forget their first love.
Dirga began to adore her when they were children, or, to be more precise, when they were growing up. He was twelve, or so he thought. Dirga realized he had admired Andien since she was a toddler.
He recalled an afternoon in sixth grade when a teenage girl, the caretaker of Andien and her twin brothers, came to his house. The girl brought pumpkins and tubers, ordered by his mother. When the girl expressed a wish to return home, Dirga dared to inquire, "Excuse me, are you Andien and the twins' nanny?"
"I am. Do you know who Andien is? Because she rarely goes outside to play. Her parents will not let her."
Embarrassed, Dirga just scratched his head, which didn't itch.
"That, uh... Please give my regards to Andien."
And Dirga's face turned bright red at the time, causing Yani, who saw him, to laugh.
"Yes, I'll tell her later," Andien's nanny replied.
'See, she's just wandering around in my head.'
Dirga and Andien used to live in the same neighborhood and even attended the same school. Andien was Dirga's underclassman, two grades below him.
Andien was not like other children when she was young. The little girl rarely played outside the house. She was usually out in the afternoons, playing in the field behind her house. Traditional games that were popular in the past were frequently chosen by her. Dirga occasionally joined in the game, but they never interacted directly. As dusk approached, she knew she had to return home. Even on holidays, Andien was forced to stay in her room, unlike other children who would often play until the evening. Just like Yani stated, her parents would not allow her. Because of her parents' parenting style at the time, Andien became a moody and aloof child.
Time passed, and it was always the same: for various reasons and self-doubt, Dirga only acted as Andien's secret admirer, not even her friend. And when he wanted to approach her, Andien had moved away with her family somewhere.
Regret? Certainly. Even Dirga's divorce from his ex-wife may have contributed to the man's heart, which was too difficult to remove Andien's name.
Dirga remained standing, slowly sipping the orange juice in his hand. From afar, he looked at Andien.
Andien noticed that the strange man who had been watching her had not yet taken his gaze away from her. She could only pretend not to respond, despite her mind wondering who the man was. Meanwhile, Dirga noticed Andien as she stepped forward to place her empty plate, then returned to her seat while holding a glass of water. Dirga braced himself and took a step towards the empty seat beside Andien.
"Dirga."
"Ya?" Andien inquired. She had an odd feeling.
"My name is Dirga," the man said again.
Andien remained silent. Her eyes widened for a split second because she had not anticipated the presence of someone from her past.
'She was taken aback? Does that mean she knows who I am?'
"Have you finished your meal? I'm going to sit here," Dirga said as he sat next to Andien without waiting for her approval.
"Okay, that's fine. It's not right to be alone in such a crowded place," Andien responded.
"Do you know who I am?" Dirga inquired.
"Dirga, right? Let's see, I only know one name Dirga right now. My elementary school senior. Am I correct?" Andien responded with a question.
"So that's true, you do know who I am."
"That's not what I mean."
"Pardon?"
"I'm not sure what to say to you. This is far too perplexing," Andien replied with a smile.
Dirga responded with a chuckle.
"Seriously. We weren't that close before, were we? Not like you and Ian, or you must know Borne because he is Pia's older brother, your friend. You might not even know I exist. With that fact, how can you still remember me?"
"I owe you... A life... My life!" Andien spoke quietly.
Dirga remained silent, attempting to comprehend what Andien was saying.
Fail!
"What do you mean?" Dirga's tone betrayed his confusion.
"When we meet again, and it's comfortable enough for me, I'll tell you."
"And I'll make sure we see each other again!" Dirga said.
Andien laughed cheerfully.
"You're overconfident!" she exclaimed.
"I have to! Is there anything wrong with that? We were childhood friends, whether we liked it or not. And now we're both single, well, not exactly married. So, do you agree that it'll be okay for us to meet again?"
Andien smiled but did not respond to Dirga's question.
"Would you like to sit outside? I think it's more comfortable to talk there."
Dirga nodded and rose from his seat. He followed Andien out of the ballroom.
It turned out that several chairs had been set up for the invitees in the building's courtyard. Dirga and Andien sat in an empty seat in which the position was almost cornered and directly across from a garden. The atmosphere created appeared dim because the chair's position did not fall in the light of the garden lamp. It was quiet enough for the two of them to converse.
Andien inhaled deeply, held the air in her lungs for a moment, then slowly exhaled. Quite a few times. Breathe to become more relaxed.
"Are you tired?" Dirga inquired.
"Quite so," she replied, warmly smiling.
Dirga remained speechless, staring at the woman in front of him—his very first love.
'Oh my God, she's gorgeous.'
Andien's face looked tired. Long time no see—in Dirga's opinion, Andien's beautiful face hadn't vanished. Let alone disappear, not even reduced.
Dirga continued to focus on Andien's facial lines—a beautiful face covered by light makeup. He delved into his teenage memories of his love's face.
Dirga's gaze shifted to Andien's lips, which she had been biting for a while, holding back the soreness in the legs that Andien had beaten slowly.
'Those lips... So kissable. Oh my God, I'm insane!'
"Don't stare at me like that. You'll make me fade," Andien laughed.
Dirga smiled at her.
Dirga struggled to hold back. He really wanted to hug Andien, rub the top of her head, and even kiss the pink lips that had been bitten by the woman beside him. He wished he could keep his sanity so that tonight didn't end with a slap on the cheek and Andien's disappearance once more.
'Don't cause any trouble!'
"Do you like coffee?" Dirga asked Andien.
"Very, but there's no coffee booth here." She pursed her lips yet again.
'So cute!'
Dirga opened his sling bag, took a small tumbler, and handed it to his first love.
"I usually make my own coffee and bring it with me everywhere. Please give it a try."
"Oh, no need," Andien tried to refuse.
"Don't worry, I haven't touched the contents at all. Very hygienic without contamination if you are afraid to drink from the same tumbler as me," explained Dirga with a chuckle.
"It's not like that..." Andien pursed her lips, scowled, and pouted.
'Oh, Lord! Don't blame me if I accidentally kiss her.'
'You're insane, Ga!' cursed Dirga to himself.
"Come on. Please try it out. It appears that you require a mood enhancer." He extended his hand once more. "My hands hurt, you know."
Andien laughed as she heard Dirga's spoiled tone. Finding the man's sincerity, she finally reached out her hand to take the tumbler from Dirga's grasp.
"Thank you. Don't be sad if I finish it."
"With pleasure."
Andien opened the tumbler lid, inhaled the aroma of the liquid inside, smiled, and took a sip.
"Salted Caramel? So tasty!" Andien smiled at Dirga.
'Oh my God, I hope this night doesn't end too soon.'
"Usually, guys don't like black coffee, do they?" Andien asked, breaking the silence between the two of them.
"This afternoon, I suddenly wanted to make the salted caramel sauce. It turns out, I met you here. Do you like it?"
"Are you sure 'it turns out? Didn't you expect to meet me here?"
Andien chuckled as she saw Dirga's amused expression when he heard Andien's questions.
"Ummm... That..."
The man was embarrassed. He did what he always does when he's confused: he scratched his head, which didn't itch, and rubbed the back of his neck. Andien chuckled once more.
"I do like..." Andien smiled as she looked back at Dirga.
'Why do I hear ambiguity in her words?'
"One of my favorites. That's the one I prefer."
Dirga's heartbeat became increasingly irregular, racing faster and faster.
'Am I insane, or do the words not refer to coffee?'
Andien's brow furrowed as she looked at Dirga.
"What is the matter? Are you feeling unwell?"
I believe so. Oh, my heart! Why is my mind so crazy? Andien, what are you doing to me?'
Andien took a tissue from her bag and gently rubbed Dirga's forehead. The man froze. His face was turning redder. Fortunately, the lighting in their location was dim, so Andien couldn't see the change in color on his face. But don't forget that Andien frequently notices changes in Dirga's facial lines. Andien put the back of his hand on Dirga's brow, sensing something was wrong. Dirga is completely frozen.
"You don't have a fever. Wait a minute. Okay, I'll call the woman who's with you. I'm worried you're ill," said Andien as she stood up.
Dirga snatched Andien's arm "No need. I'm fine. Please just stay with me..."
"Should I call Ian?"
"Oh no, not him again! Never mind, I'm perfectly fine."
Andien chuckled and sat back down.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
The woman's eyes and tone of voice were worried.
'Why am I so happy to see her like this?'
"It's all right. I'm just feeling so hot. If you ask again, I'll give you a lovely plate as a gift."
Andien laughed amusedly. Dirga also smiled.
Dirga loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He unbuttoned the buttons on his wrists and folded his sleeves up to his elbows.
He was aware that Andien was watching his every move. He then returned his gaze to Andien. Andien looked down, grabbed the coffee tumbler she'd placed between them, and took another sip of the liquid.
"Andien... I miss you..."
'Oh my God, is that my voice? Stupid! Why am I suddenly saying that?'
Andien looked at Dirga, puzzled. Logically, no scenario can explain why Dirga can miss him.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean —"
"Usually, longing is intended for people who are specifically filled in our hearts, right?"
'Just get wet! Take all of the risks! Show her how much you adore her. Dirga reasoned to himself. Use money and your connection later in case she runs away or disappears again.'
"You are!" said Dirga quietly, but clearly in Andien's ears.
Andien returned his gaze to Dirga.
"Pardon?"
"You... You are special to me."
For God's sake, Dirga is grateful that God has given men with excess testosterone so that his face remains stiff even though it is in the chest like it is about to explode.
Andien frowned again.
"Seriously?" Andien asked, indifferently.
"For more information, I am your secret admirer!" Dirga spoke up once more.
'If it messes up tonight, I'm going to sew this mouth up!'
"Ha ha ha!" Andien laughed. Nobody knows what made her laugh after that.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I like your jokes. I thought Ian was joking when he made fun of me the other day."
"This isn't a joke! And you think Ian made up the chat you read? If you recall what I said to Ian, you should not take what I just said lightly."
"You're an actor! It was extremely persuasive. I was stunned. What you're saying makes absolutely no sense."
Dirga tried not to respond to Andien's final sentence.
"I'm an architect, not an actor."
"Oh yeah??? That's amazing!"
"What's so amazing?"
"Architect."
"Amazing from where?"
"Don't spoil my mood. That's amazing!" Andien replied.
Dirga burst out laughing.
"Yeah, I'm glad you think that I'm amazing."
"It's not you who are amazing. The profession of an architect that I think is amazing!" Andien stated.
"Please don't ruin my mood. Anyway, I'm honored to be regarded as amazing! "Dirga responded by paraphrasing some of Andien's words.
Andien looked at Dirga, and Dirga never took his gaze away from Andien, until finally, they both laughed. The conversation, which had previously heated up the atmosphere, had somehow cooled down.
'Very lovely!'
Aksara