She's trying to push me away. That much is already clear.
The way she looked at me in the early morning today, her refusing to let me touch her or see her naked body and now she's acting like she's okay with a woman she punched in the face going to the biggest social and business event in this city, with the man she loves.
She was smiling as if she's more than happy with the suggestion she just made.
We were all too shocked to say anything, but what she did next shocked us even more.
"I'm sorry for what I did, Lauren." She stepped out of my embrace and went to hug Lauren who seemed a bit apprehensive and uncertain of everything that's happening.
"It was wrong of me to do that; so wrong and I hope one day you can forgive me."
Lauren seemed too stunned to speak.
Mom plastered the fakest smile I've ever seen on her face. It looked genuine, but those of us who know her well, know she isn't happy with what's happening.
Charlotte wouldn't have punched Lauren without reason. Something happened and they're both keeping it to themselves.
"That's very ... mature of you, Charlie." Mom forced the words out of her mouth. "Perhaps you and Lauren can tell us what precisely happened yesterday so we can put this whole matter to rest."
An awkward silence settled between us while we waited for either of them to tell us the truth.
Lauren looked so nervous that one would think she's the one who punched Charlotte and not the other way around. Charlotte, of course, didn't have an ounce of fear or anxiety on her face. She was as calm as can be and kept holding Lauren's hand without a worry in the world.
"I think Lauren and I would like to forget about this whole thing." She said confidently. "Am I right, Lauren?" She looked at the woman who was barely dressed.
Lauren nodded quickly and rapidly and took a step forward, causing her and Charlie to stop holding hands.
"Yes." She tried to smile. "I agree with Charlotte. I don't want to talk about this ever again." She fidgeted with her fingers and then seemed to gain the courage to say more. "I also agree with her that it's not a big deal if you and me go to the banquet together. We're friends and you promised me and my parents way before Charlotte was back in the picture."
Charlotte smiled and nodded in agreement. They were standing together like some united front.
But I was going to break whatever unity they think they have formed because any i***t can tell the two of them standing together will end with me and Charlotte breaking up.
I should have told Lauren to leave the moment I saw her stepping foot in the garden. I didn't want to cause a scene so I just let her stay. For the sake of our friendship and all the times she's been there for me, I decided to let her be, but now I'm regretting it.
I don't understand what's gotten into her.
What kind of friend does this?
Even if she disagrees with my decision to get back together with Charlotte, surely she can tell that what she's been doing has made us drift apart as friends. She has to know that she's making me choose between her and Charlotte and Charlotte will always win. I will always choose her.
So why is Lauren acting like she's some kind of abandoned wife and like I'm in the wrong for wanting to be with the woman I love?
Why is she f*****g doing this?
I put up with the skimpy outfits around the house. I put up with the towels falling off right infront of me. I put up with her moaning my name out in the open for everyone to hear. I put up with the daily panic attacks. I put up with her screw ups at work that cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars.
What more can I do to prove that I really do value her friendship? What more can I do to prove that I'll always be grateful to her for being there for me when I needed someone?
For goodness sakes, my own mother had to spend the afternoon looking at this woman's behind.
What more does she expect from me?
"I'm also okay with Lauren staying in the house." Charlie added fuel to the fire. "This is her home. I realise that now. I have my own home and it's hightime I return to it before I do something stupid again."
"Really?" Chrissie took a step forward. "I'm writing in a week Charlotte and," he rolled his eyes, "I really like studying with you. What happens to our study sessions if you leave?"
"They end." She said with the calmest smile on her face. "You have the hang of things now, Chrissie. And it's clear that you're uncomfortable with me being in your space. I'm sorry I didn't take the hint. I'll let you be."
Mom, Annabelle and even Christian were all looking at me, demanding that I fix this situation right this instance.
Christian's allegiance to Lauren has made him shortsighted and it seems it's only now that he realises that if Charlotte no longer lives here, he won't have someone who's more than willing to study with him each night.
Lauren had a glint in her eyes that I've never seen before. It's the kind of glint I've seen in Charlotte's eyes or Jona's eyes, but never in Lauren's eyes. No matter how much she played with the hem of her dress and innocently tucked her hair behind her ear, she couldn't hide that glint in her eyes.
"Charlotte's not going anywhere." I narrowed my eyes at Charlie.
"But if Charlotte wants to go-" Lauren tried to interject.
"I said, Charlotte is not going anywhere." I repeated myself. "She and I are trying to start a family of our own. We want to have kids and get married and we can't do that with another woman living in our house and prancing around half naked."
I watched all the hope and joy disappear from Lauren's baby blue eyes.
Charlotte looked shocked, as if she didn't expect me to shut down all this nonsense she and Lauren were spewing.
"Come here, Charlotte." I ordered and she reluctantly walked back to me.
I laced an arm around her waist once she was close and she rested her head against my shoulder.
"As for the banquet", I continued, "I can't take you anymore after everything that's happened. Perhaps if I knew what led to Charlotte punching you, I would reconsider, but since you've both chosen to stay quiet, then it's best if I go with Charlotte. No woman would want her partner going to some fancy event with a girl she fought with."
Tears started forming in Lauren's eyes and her lips started quivering.
"I'm sorry, Lauren." I tried to save the situation. "I really am, but I know that as my friend you understand that I'll want to take my girlfriend to the banquet...right?"
Tears were now falling from her eyes. I felt f*****g terrible.
"I'll go with you, Lauren!" Christian tried to go stand by her side, but I saw Annabelle pull him back.
"Actually, no." Mom said quickly. "I don't like what I've seen thus far where Christian is concerned. I think it's best if", she took a very uncomfortable deep breath, "if there's some distance between Lauren and Christian for the time being. I'm sure that once I meet Chrissie's other friends I'll do the same thing. For now, I just want to understand what is going on with my son and I think he'll benefit from some time alone. You understand, right Lauren?"
I felt so f*****g terrible.
This woman helped me after Charlotte broke up with me. She dragged me to classes and took away any alcohol I wanted to drown myself in. I was a mess and she was there for me.
And now here I am essentially cutting her out of my life.
How could I do this to her?
I almost broke my resolve and said it's okay if I go to the banquet with her. However, I couldn't do that. Lauren is crossing boundaries that no friend should cross. I need to cut some ties with her because it's clear she thinks I have romantic feelings for her.
I looked down at Charlotte.
She tried going to Lauren and was even about to speak, but one glare from me was enough for her to understand that I have already made up my mind, and so has mom.
"I don't understand." Lauren looked at mom with pleading eyes. "Are you saying I'm a bad influence on Christian?"
"No!" Mom answered quickly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "That's not what I'm saying at all, honey. I'm saying that something or someone is a bad influence on my son and until I can figure out what or who it is, I'd like to keep a close eye on him. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him."
Christian tried to go to Lauren again, but Annabelle stopped him yet again.
"But Lucas promised." Lauren said softly. "And Greysons always keep their word."
"That saying does not mean you can force Forest into doing something he wants to do with his partner, honey." Mom squeezed Lauren'sshoulders for comfort. "Also, it applies to the business world; not personal matters. Forest agreed to take you as his friend, but now he's in a relationship and as his friend, you should understand that he'll want to take his partner with him. If you were in Charlotte's position, I'm sure you wouldn't like it if Forest went to the banquet with her ... right?"
Her face got redder and redder. In fact, her whole body was as red as a tomato. She didn't have that glint in her eyes anymore. There was only anger and frustration left.
Instead of answering mom, she yanked mom's arm from her shoulders and ran for the door. Again, Christian tried going after her, but both Annabelle and mom stopped him.
"She came here with Lisa!" He screamed at mom. "Let me at least take her to her place."
"There are at least a dozen cars and drivers in this house." Mom said angrily. "Lauren will ask one of them to take her back home. She should be alone right now. She needs some space."
Christian huffed and puffed, but he didn't try to follow her again. He just went outside.
"Charlie," mom marched right up to her, "forgive yourself. You made a mistake because you're human, but that doesn't mean you should punish yourself and it most certainly doesn't mean that you should punish my son."
"Mama Grey..." She looked down and gulped nervously.
"Honey," mom reached for her hand, "I know you're not ready to talk about it. You may never be ready, but that doesn't mean you get to hurt my son again. Fight through all those voices in your head that tell you you're not enough because I promise you, you are more than enough for Forest, for me, for Belle and even for Chrissie. Now you just need to be enough for yourself."
Charlotte looked up and pursed her lips. "Okay." She said softly, but mom wasn't done.
"You're not allowed to carry your burdens alone, Charlie." Mom pulled her in for a hug. "Share them with us. We're your family. We've always been your family."
It was soft and it was muffled by mom's hug and Annabelle now also hugging Charlie, but I could hear her holding back tears. And sure enough, when she stepped out of the hug, she had some tears in her eyes...but not a single one of them stained her cheeks.
The three of us could tell that she wanted to say something. We waited for her with all our hopes, but after a few minutes, it was clear that she wasn't going to say what she so clearly wanted to say.
"Thank you." She said after a long silence. "Thank you for loving me when I couldn't love myself."
****
She was quiet as we made our way up to my suite.
I wanted to ask her about what Lisa said. I wanted to ask her about her scars. I wanted to ask her what happened between her and Lauren, but I knew she wouldn't tell me a damn thing. She would choose to deal with it all by herself like she usually does.
So I just held her hand while I led her upstairs and as soon as I closed the door to my suite, I enveloped her in a hug.
She held me and I held her.
I listened to her breathing and her heartbeat and then just as I was about to let her go, she cried.
Charlotte Ericsson cried.
Aksara