Chapter 22: Forest's POV

I watched her walk out of the guest room and go back to her study room. I stopped myself from barging in there and dragging her to bed. She's going to work herself to death. I arrived at her place around midnight. She wasn't in bed so I took a shower and started doing some work of my own while I waited for her. I thought I'd wait for an hour, maybe two, but she ended up coming to bed at 5am. I was just staring at the ceiling at that point. I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't sleep after everything that happened. So I chose to give her her space and wait for her to come to bed, instead of going to get her from her study. I watched her mumble all the things she still needed to do when she entered her bedroom. She mumbled something about Jona, something about her books and monitors and, of course, her shoes. She loves her shoes. I thought yesterday was rough, but the way she looked at me when she noticed me in bed and the way she tensed up when I tried to touch her, made yesterday pale in comparison. That look in her eyes was breaking parts of me I never knew existed. She looked scared of me. And she kept calling me Lucas. Not once did she call me Forest and it seemed she didn't intend on calling me Forest ever again. I could have insisted that we talk about everything right there and then, but I couldn't stand the look in her eyes. Even when she was hurling apology after apology at me, I felt frozen because she was looking at me like she just wanted to get as far away from me as she possibly could. Then she started saying things I never thought I'd hear her say. She said she was wrong for punching Lauren. Then she said she'll apologise to Lauren and said she'll back off and even let Lauren go to the banquet with me and she's more than okay with Lauren living in my house. I wanted to grab her, lock her in a room and kiss her until the Charlie I know came back to me. I wanted to see that familiar anger, determination and ruthlessness that's usually right behind the brown of her eyes, but none of it was there. There was just...doubt and fear. She's scared...of me? I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and told her I'd let her sleep in the guest room for the night. However, I couldn't go back to sleep after seeing her like that. So I I just turned into a corner and as expected, she left the guest room once I was out of view and went back to her study room. It was nearly 6am, which means that she's been awake for twenty four hours now and she showed no signs of stopping. I gave her half an hour before I went downstairs and made one of the few things I can make in the kitchen - a fresh cup of hot chocolate with little marshmallows and cinnamon, just the way she likes it. I took it to her and found her rubbing her eyes and groaning. Of course they were red because she hasn't slept in a whole f*****g day. I put the hot chocolate down on a side table and sighed from frustration. "You want me to carry you to bed?" I asked her. "The answer better be yes, Charlie." She gave me a scowl, but at least nodded her head. Her eyes were puffy, red and tired, but there was no fear in them anymore. I don't know if it's the fatigue or the fact that the sun was almost out. Whatever the reason, I was just glad that she no longer looked at me like she was afraid of me. I picked her up and carried her to our bedroom. This time she didn't tense up when I touched her and she didn't try to flick my hands away. Her head was nestled in the crook of my neck and she was curled up in my arms like she knows she belongs there. She was already sound asleep and muttering things in her sleep like she usually does. This time she didn't say anything that concerned me like the time she begged me not to ever leave her. She's been quite restful in her sleep since that night. I put her in bed and tried taking off her pajamas, but even in her sleep, she refused to let me help her get undressed. I gave up after a minute and just crawled into bed next to her. I wanted to touch her naked body. I wanted to feel it against mine and caress it like I do every night, but all I was allowed to do was hold the body that was covered in pajamas. She wouldn't let my hands go inside her clothes. I buried my face in her neck and inhaled her scent as deeply as I could. She always smells f*****g amazing. It was only once she had been asleep for half an hour that I let the fatigue take over. I was exhausted, but sleeping when the woman I love is trying to work herself to death wasn't an option. I checked our weekend to do lists and emailed them to one of my house employees for them to take care of everything. Charlotte hates being behind schedule. She'll thank me for this. I drifted off to sleep to her soft breathing and mutterings and steady heartbeat. I'll never go to sleep without this woman sleeping right next to me ever again. That much I am certain of. "You're mine, Charlie." I muttered as I kissed her shoulders. "I'm not letting you slip through my fingers again." *** I woke up at 10am. I only got four hours of sleep, but it would be noon soon and Charlie planned lunch for everyone at the mansion. The house staff and kitchen staff would prepare everything, but she planned it all. They'd just have to follow her instructions. I looked down at her. She was curled up in my arms. Her head was tucked away against my chest and both her hands were wrapped tightly around me. I like seeing her like this. She looks so unburdened and all that fear and hurt that she was carrying a few hours ago, is nowhere near her beautiful face. I tilted her face upwards and instinctively, she stretched her neck to try and kiss me. She was still asleep, but even in her sleep she was calling out to me. So I responded and gave her what she wants, what she's entitled to. I kissed her and before long our tongues were tussling and she was moaning and trailing her fingers all over my chest and neck. I wanted to take off her clothes and make love to her, but any attempts to slither a hand inside her top or take off her pajama pants was fought off even in her sleep. "What's wrong?" I complained in between kisses. "Let me in, Charlie. Tell me what's wrong." She ignored me and continued kissing me. She was clearly awake now and grinding herself against my hardness while straddling me. "Lucas." She moaned my name. Lucas. I stopped all the kissing and I stopped all the grinding. I stopped it all. Why the hell does she keep calling me that? She didn't give me a chance to ask what's wrong. She was already out of bed, acting like by stopping what we were doing, I just rejected her. As if I could ever turn her down. I grabbed an arm and dragged her back to bed. "We need to talk." I said as I put her in my lap. "We had a difficult day and I know I caused it all by asking you to apologise to Lauren without knowing what happened between you two. I'm sorry, Charlotte." I looked into those honey coloured eyes. "I'm so sorry." I took her hand and kissed it while she remained quiet. "You won't have to deal with Lauren again." I kissed her hand again. "I told her to move out. I'm sorry I made you live like that, Charlie. I'm so sorry." She balled her hand into a fist and slowly removed her hand out of mine. "It's not your fault." She put one of her hands on my cheeck. "None of this is your fault, Lucas. It's me. I'm the problem. I'm the one who hit Lauren. I'm the one who started barking demands like I haven't been gone from your life for five whole years. And I'm the one who did everything I could to drive a wedge between you and someone you told me repeatedly that you love." "I'm the problem." She repeated. "I'll always be a problem." "No." I growled at her. "That's not true. You know that's not true. Charlotte, you are the most wonderful thing that's happened to me. I knew the moment I laid my eyes on you that I would marry you one day. I didn't know your name or what you were like, but I knew I had met my wife even though I was only nine years old." She tried to get up from my lap, but I kept her there. "I know yesterday wasn't a good day for us." I continued while holding her in my lap. "But we can't always have good days. We'll have bad days, good days and even terrible days. I promise that no matter how good or bad any day is, I'll always be at your side. Now you need to decide if you're going to do the same. You can't walk away or try to shut me out whenever things get tough. Lean on me, talk to me, fight with me. Do anything, but don't shut me out when you know that I love you with everything that I am." She was quiet for what felt like the longest time, but at least she wasn't trying to get out of my lap anymore. "It's hard." She finally broke the silence. She sighed, closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. "Everytime I try to...I can't. It's like I'm drowning and I'm trying to scream for help, but I can't." I held her face and watched as tears filled her beautiful eyes. "My scars," she forced herself to speak, "the new scars." I waited for her as she laboured on every word. It really did look and sound like she was choking on each word. "Breathe." I said to her. "Take your time. I'm right here." I watched her try to force the words out of her mouth. I knew the scars she was talking about. It's the large s.l.a.s.h on her stomach and her back. They're new and I knew better than to ask her about them. When I saw them the first time we got back together I had to restrain myself from asking what kind of monster did this to her and where they are so I could kill that person with my bare hands. Those scars are large and are years away from fading away. Most of the scars she got as a kid are almost gone, but she didn't get those scars as a kid. She got those as an adult. "I can't." She shook her head violently and suddenly all those tears in her eyes were gone and the familiar coldness gleamed over her face. "I can't." "I should get ready." She suddenly chuckled to herself. "No use having a pity party when we have lunch plans with my favourite people in the world." I let her leave my embrace. The moment was gone. Those few minutes of vulnerability were gone and she was back to her usual self, her invincible self. *** We arrived at my place just in time for lunch. Charlie kept calling me Lucas, but at least she no longer tensed up each time I touched her. She was acting relatively normal, except for her calling me Lucas and not Forest. "Charlie you look amazing!" Belle squealed when she saw us. Charlie was wearing the most beautiful, long orange summer dress with thin straps that hugged her soft curves and accentuated her luscious breasts. She paired it with black shoes that have some kind of thick heel and tied her hair into a high ponytail that left her long neck and beautiful face on display. She looks and smells breathtaking and every step this woman takes is like a model making a grand appearance. I wanted to bury my face between her legs when she walked out of the room in that dress. I wanted to watch it slide off her body as I licked her skin...I wanted to make love to her, but it's very clear to me that she's not ready to be intimate with me. She's calling me by name, she doesn't want me touching her naked body or seeing it. Something is happening to her, but she doesn't want to tell me about it. "And you look absolutely adorable!" She smiled at Belle and hugged her. "I love the blue flowers. This dress is stunning, Belle." Belle was blushing and trying to cover her face. When mom came to join the two of them, it was laughs and squels and compliments all around. I let them be while the house staff prepared to set up lunch in the garden. It was a beautiful sunny day and the perfect weather for lunch outside. All in all, it looked like it would be a great day until I saw Christian, Lauren and Lisa in my house, headed towards the garden. It seems I didn't make myself clear last night.