Chapter Three

The past is never where you think you left it. ~Katherine Ann~ Bruno The loud ringing of my phone woke me up; the tune seemed to have penetrated through my skull, the ring sounded pissed, like it had a score to settle; it thrashed me out of deep sleep with a vengeance. I wanted to ignore it, turn around, pull the covers, and let it ring until whoever was calling stopped, but I couldn't; it could be important, I thought, so laid on my back, picked the phone, and saw father José name on the screen. Damn this old man; he's never learned respect. "No!" I said without preamble, hissing with annoyance, "do you know what time it is" he laughed with amusement, which pissed me even more. "Good morning to you too, Caro." his chortle carried through his greetings, his endearment for me somewhat soothing my anger. "You haven't even heard what I have to say, and you've already said no." "That's because I know you. Why are you calling? I know it's not Christmas or Easter, why are you call...I'm not coming for Palm Sunday!" I said vehemently, thinking that could be the reason he was calling. "It boggles the mind that you could spend your formative years in a church but still confuse your holidays and only get two of them right." "That is because there is a lot of food on those holidays, I told you to be cooking for us on palm Sundays, but you refused; I can't be blamed for not knowing when it's supposed to be celebrated." " It's not palm Sunday either," "I will also not be baptized or confirmed in case that's why you're calling." " I have told you enough times you were baptized at ten and confirmed at twelve." "How comes I can't remember any of it?" "Probably because you were half asleep." "Then I fail to understand why it was necessary to call me at this ungodly hour." " It's only ungodly where you are. And you left out holy communion." I groaned in desperation, childishly pulling the covers over my face. Father Josè remained quiet for a moment, but I could feel him breathing through the phone. Suddenly, I realized he might have called because of something serious. I knew my brothers, Raph and Rom, were home, which means it wasn't about them. "Are you dying?" He chuckled and said no in a slow and low voice. "She left a note for you." I sat up slowly on the bed like in slow motion, my mind jumbled up with thoughts of her. I didn't pretend not to know who he was referring to; we both knew who she was. It must be tough for her to reach out to me finally. "What does it say, " my voice sounded alien, scratchy like I had flu, my heart thumped up continuously in anxiety, waiting in almost fear, an emotion I rarely felt. I listened as Father Josè read out the note for me. She asked for my help, and although the note did not include how she felt, I knew she was crying out for help. She wanted out as soon as possible, and I had promised her almost five years ago that I would help her if she ever wanted out. "Should you ever need any help, " I had murmured, " whatever it might be, let me know." and then I had watched her walk away from me, her hips swaying seductively, yet her steps looked uncertain. I wanted to believe it was because she had wanted to remain with me. I had even considered a second there that she would look back at me and realize she was better with me. But she'd walked away without looking back, disappearing through the corridor that would take her back to where her husband was. "How did she look?" I asked, forcing myself from revisiting that day. Although my voice sounded familiar, it was anything but that. I wanted to know exactly how she'd looked. Had she looked solemn? What was she wearing? Does she finally have hair Had she smiled? Did her voice break when she spoke? " I didn't see her; she left the note for me with father Mario." That spineless bastard was probably trying to find out who she was and who I was. I thought as I jumped off the bed straight to the bathroom with the phone still crutched on my ear. "I'll be there by before 7 pm," I said, hanging up immediately to call the pilot. I didn't need to tell either Rom or Raph, no need to alarm them because of something that I can take care of by myself. But I knew I was going to need help from either Devonni or Matteo. There are a few things I never allow myself to remember, and my past is on top of that list. Now everything came rushing through my mind like a typhoon, like it happened yesterday. My mother's death, my father's need for control, my brother's cruelty, my sister's suicide, and that rainy day when I walked away from home. I thought I had left it behind, like burying a person and watching dust fill up their grave. It's the finality of knowing that person would never come back again; that is exactly how I had felt about my past when I left. Suddenly, all I could think of was how cold I had felt that night—wet and shivering, my small arms intertwined tightly across my chest, my eyes burning with tears I refused to shed. I was determined to strip off every reminder of my life, hence the idea of changing my name. I couldn't stand having to share the same name with either of them. It was like a curse; this hatred I felt towards the two people I was born to love. I had known it was just a matter of time for me to face it when I heard Silvio wanted Romano's wife. I tried to kill him myself, but he went into hiding, and he has been in hiding ever since. Now there was no choice; I had to confront it. I had no idea what heaven's punishment was for killing one's father, but I knew it couldn't approve of it. I was about to revisit my past, probably remember the emotions that came with it, and the baggage I had carried for years. It's not something I was looking forward to, but I had to prepare for it to help Ele get away from Freddie. Thirty minutes after Father Josè's phone call, I was in the car to the airstrip, having called Devonni, who was also Raph's stepbrother, to meet me there. I would have preferred Matteo, but he wasn't home, and neither was his phone reachable. It came as a surprise to admit that I was afraid, not for me, for her. The rhythm of my heartbeat changed from normal to continually hitting my chest as if it wanted out. I gripped the wheel of my car tightly as I tried to avoid thinking about her life. The misery she must face daily. I could imagine that life perfectly; I had lived it for nine years of my life. I have witnessed and heard endless stories about wives of men like Freddie. Most people would prefer death to such a life. I know of a man who bet his wife. He passes her over on gambling tables like she was a piece of property. I cringed, imagining Freddie might have done the same to Ele. Silvio killed his wife, and Raph's biological father killed his wife too because she was an alcoholic and, therefore, an embarrassment to his manhood. The irony and hypocrisy of these men were incomprehensible. I took a turn to enter the airstrip, the lighting, and the familiarity of it welcoming me into the horde. Giuseppe, the pilot, was already there when I got through the airstrip; he was standing beside the jet talking and laughing with the other guys, but Devonni had not arrived. I decided to give him ten more minutes before leaving. Shaking each of their hands, I murmured my thanks as I took a cigarette from the inside pocket of my coat. The walk through the jet stairs felt long and tiresome; my head thumped, my eyes felt as if small particles were swimming in them, and for the first time, puffing didn't help settle my nerves, but I continued smoking; it gave me something to do while I waited for Devonni. Leaning my head on my seat, I placed my feet on top of a small table set in front of me, the smoke from the cigarette blinding me for a second. I heard a scuffle and knew Devonni had managed to arrive on time. "Where are we headed?" He asked, his voice sleepy, the smell of his sweat mingling with that of the cigarette. "I guess you didn't have time to shower, " I said instead of answering his question. He squinted his eyes on me as if he was inwardly chastising me for pointing it out. " I figured with your driving; you would leave me behind if I took the time to shower, " I nodded, taking a drag out of my cigarette, looking at the glowing end as if it had the answers to the questions flipping through my mind. "And anyway, I figured I could shower in here too, " Devonni added, rummaging through the content of his bag. I nodded again, tapping the butt of the cigarette and throwing it on the ashtray beside my feet. I didn't want to speak; in fact, it was as if the ability to do so had suddenly deserted me. I couldn't find my voice; neither did I have the energy to form words, so I leaned comfortably over my seat and closed my eyes until I heard Giuseppe's booming voice over the intercom announcing our takeoff. "Bruno, " I heard him calling me, but it felt as if the sound was coming from a hole; it was weak and faint. I didn't answer immediately, not even after he called me again; it was as if my brain had somewhat stopped coordinating with my mouth. It wasn't until Devonni jabbed me on my arm that I became aware that Giuseppe was asking and waiting for my permission to take off. I threw a look at him, showing my index finger indicating I needed a minute, which he then communicated to him. I removed another cigarette, placing it between my lips to light it. I took a long drag, then exhaled slowly, looking out of the window as the day broke. It was just like any other day. The universe moved as usual. It did not care that my life was about to be blown into pieces; neither did it give a f**k that the nine-year-old boy in me wanted revenge as much as he wanted to save the girl he left behind when she was only five. It must have known this day would come; the surprise that it did come was from me. My body boiled in anger and the need to eviscerate every part of Freddie's body and feed it to the dogs. He deserved nothing less. Trying to find my voice by clearing my throat, I pinched the edge of my nose and called out to Giuseppe that I was ready for takeoff. I watched as we took off, the roaring sound of the jet bringing calm to my otherwise muddled mind. I felt Dev move past me towards the bathroom to shower, I imagined. I did nothing during that flight except pretend I was asleep, chug on coffee as if it was beer, and think of how to get Ele out of Freddie's house and plan his murder. We landed in Italy almost ten hours later. I felt different when I stepped off the jet; when my feet first stepped on Italian soil, it felt strange, new, like it was my first time there. I called father Josè to let him know I had arrived. "Where will you be staying?" he asked, concern in his voice, yet still excited. He was the first person ever to like me; the joy he got each time he saw me was still new to me even after all these years. "In the main house." I replied, walking towards the helicopter waiting for us. The main house belonged to Raph, Rom, and I. It was the safest and the biggest. Nobody could get through security without detection. "Why not your house? Are you running from debtors?" I knew he was joking, but I chuckled, strapping in, my head feeling lighter than it had ten hours ago. "I'm too rich to have debt."